Life Lessons

I learned a valuable lesson this week that I want to share. But first I have to give you a little background information.

When Eric was in 7th grade, and still figuring out about jr. high and all the coursework that goes with it, he would sometimes get a "zero" listed on an assignment. It wasn't usually because he just didn't do it, it was usually because he lost it or misplaced it. At any rate, I hate to admit that whenever he would get a zero, I got a little crazy. In my book, zero's are completely unacceptable and translates into no effort whatsoever. So through that year, we finally worked out a deal that whevever he got a zero, he was grounded until he could correct it. This actually worked quite well. He knew how I felt about them and he also knew what was expected of him.

This year, in 9th grade, I have seen very little zero's. Through the last 3 years of jr. high, he has received less and less. And if he ever has gotten one, he's been very good to immeditately make it up so he could get credit. I have seen much growth and definite signs of maturity and responsibility from him.

Last week, Eric got Strep Throat and was absent for 2 days. He actually hadn't missed any days of school this year until then. When he returned to school, he had a lot of make up work. In the days that followed his absences, he would come home each day, shut his door to his room, and dutifully complete his missed assignments in all of his classes.

Wednesday of this week, I was checking his grades and noticed that he had a zero listed for one of his assignments in art: a 200 point assignment. Now, in my defense, let me tell you my thought process when I saw it. First of all, Eric is amazing in Art. He can draw just about anything. And his grade in this class (at that time, because of the zero) was 89%. I know that isn't a bad grade, it's just that.......honestly, this is an easy A for Eric, because it really is what he's good at. Secondly, the term was to end on Thursday, so we were essentially out of time to make it up. So, of course when I saw the zero, I went a little crazy. I asked him about it and before I knew it, one thing led to another, and some harsh words were exchanged. In an attempt to have him make it up, I emailed his teacher and asked if he could stay after school to complete this assignment.

After a short time, I was in my room and Eric came in to talk to me. He was very frustrated. He got emotional as he told me that I wasn't giving him credit for some of the good things he had done. And that even though this ONE assignment was not completed, he really HAD worked hard in all of his other classes to make up for the missing days from school. He asked me specifically, "Can't you just let this one thing go?"

As I listened to "his side of the story" and I mean really listened to him and what he was saying, it was like a lightbulb when on in my head. And it was like I got punched in the gut. I was wrong......and he was right! I hadn't given him credit for all the work he had done and I was dwelling more on the one negative thing, instead of praising him and recognizing him for all that he had accomplished thus far.

Not to mention, that he really is a good kid. He is responsible and honorable and is turning into a very fine young man.

So I did what I had to do. I apologized sincerely. I told him I was wrong and he was right. I told him how proud I was of him. I told him over and over again how sorry I was for causing him such pain and feelings of inadequacy. I told him that I didn't mean to make him feel like he wasn't "enough."

And then I begged his forgiveness.

It was a really powerful moment for the both of us. Even though I'm a parent, I don't have all the answers. And I'm definitely not perfect. I make mistakes. I know that we're supposed to be the teachers for our children, but my son was the teacher that day. I learned that I do have to let "some things go." I can't expect perfection. It's not like I got all "A's" in school. I definitely didn't. And it's okay to say sorry to your kids. It's okay to show vulnerability to them. If we don't show it, how will they learn it? I learned that I need to remember that my children are still learning as well. And hormones aside, it's tough to be a teenager! I remember jr. high as the most miserable years for me. There are friend issues, teacher issues, class issues, homework issues.....and the list goes on and on. And it's hard to grow up these days with all the pressures they feel coming to them from every direction.

So, it was a great life lesson. I hope I can do better next time. I hope I can control my temper and show love and acceptance IN THE BEGINNING, rather than later. I truly am proud of Eric for all the good choices that he makes each day.

I love you, son. Thanks for being a great teacher!

P.S. In the end I told Eric he didn't have to stay after school to finish his project. I told him that what he had done was enough. I let him decide what he wanted to do. He chose to stay after school and get credit for this assignment. He also brought in one of his comic books that he has drawn (on is own at home) and showed his teacher. His teacher was so impressed that he gave him an extra 1350 extra credit points.....crazy, huh? So he ended up with an A. But it wasn't because I made him do it. It was because HE decided to take pride in his grade and earn it on his own. See? I told you he was a good kid.